Leaving the grind behind: What people really want from ‘work’

Lately, I’ve noticed a clear pattern that more and more people are questioning not just what they do for (traditional) work, but what work really means in their lives, and how much of their identity belongs to it.

When we first started looking for test clients, many of my fellow students seemed to dread career coaching. Maybe it was my own personal experiences with coaching and therapy that shaped me, but I knew this was exactly where I wanted lean in and make a difference in the short-term while I train to do more emotional, somatic and trauma-related work. Career transitions are rarely just about changing jobs or chasing the next promotion or flashy title. They are deeply personal and connected to who we truly are. Time and again, I’ve seen that career change is less about the next role and more about finding alignment, overcoming inner hurdles (or avoiding them), and navigating real-world challenges.

As a recovering workaholic and hyper-independent perfectionist, I relate deeply to the challenges my clients face. After many years in the technology and financial services industries as an operations and product manager, I also have the ability to connect with them on the content itself, which often strengthens how I can support them in the crossroads they might face with regards to their career. I often pushed far beyond my boundaries to be valuable at work, to be recognised, and to feel connected, yet I rarely did feel connected. I often felt I had to hide much of who I was at work, just to be able to function. This created a lot of resentment and anxiety in me. Eventually, I needed to take a step back and reassess and answer some tough questions: What was I really longing for that I wasn’t getting? What was leaving me feeling so exhausted and sad?

Because of my personal experience, my promise in my practice is not to land you a bigger, better-paying job*, but to help you connect more deeply with your authentic self, so you can live a life of purpose that feels fulfilling to you.

*unless that’s what you truly want or need after we uncover this together.

A deep craving for alignment, meaning, and well-being

Most of the people I work with (give or take a dozen), and friends too, in the 30-45 age group here in the Netherlands, are moving away from traditional markers of success like salary or status. Instead, they’re craving fulfilment, balance, and work that reflects their values.

For some, this means choosing purpose over prestige, after many years of doing the opposite. I see people all around me starting side hustles like craft businesses or coaching practices, building communities like run clubs, or seeking work that incorporates movement or allows them to use their hands more. Others are exploring ways to use their skills to support others, such as looking into employment law to help people navigate challenges they themselves have experienced.

Through exercises like mapping out a “perfect day” or “perfect week”, clients consistently highlight being in control of their time, experiencing less chaos, and doing things that give them energy. These visions often include slower mornings, creative projects, connection, and space for wellbeing, which reveals a conscious move away from the constant grind.

Belonging also shows up as a strong motivator. Whether it’s finding a smaller company with aligned values, or breaking free from the “prison” of a corporate role, it’s about creating a sense of home and being in an environment where you can be your true self.

While I was facing a challenging time in my career and personal life, I had to make the journey to return to myself and really understand what my values are and what gives me energy. My coach at the time gave me a very simple task to keep an energy diary. An energy diary is basically a list of the things you do each day (like groceries, having a coffee, going for a run… list them all), marked with:

• “+” for what gave me energy

• “–” for what drained me

• “o” for what felt neutral.

By doing this, I realised I really needed more support with keeping the house tidy, and I also discovered I need more time alone to recharge than I had previously thought. These small insights, combined with regular journalling (and of course, therapy), slowly started bringing me back to the 15-year-old girl who once dreamed of becoming a psychologist; the girl I’d left behind while chasing love and trying to prove I was “smart enough” by becoming an engineer. I decided to do right by her and give coaching and counselling a chance. So far, I’m deeply grateful I made space for her, because it has been a highly fulfilling journey so far.

Navigating mental and emotional obstacles

With career change, deeper patterns and beliefs almost always surface.

Approval is a big one. Many people still carry the weight of parental or societal expectations, which shows up in their strong tie between identity and work. One of the hardest realisations is: Who are you if you are not your job? Seperating your identity from work can feel unsettling but is often freeing. The unravelling usually starts when you realise it is really you against you… and often, no one really cares as much about you career but you.

Self-advocacy does not come naturally to most of the people I work with. There is a lot of fear tied to asking for what we really need. Take Rebecca*, for example. She feels overqualified and underpaid in her current role, which she accepted mainly for financial stability. She’d like to ask her manager for more responsibility and fairer pay, but a strong sense of loyalty holds her back. Because she hopes to eventually transition into a more creative field, she worries it might seem deceitful to ask for more now. This hesitation is keeping her stuck, even though advocating for herself could make her day-to-day work more engaging, ease financial stress, and give her the confidence she needs to take the next steps needed to work towards the live she craves.

*Name changed for privacy

I think we should remind ourselves that loyalty and self-advocacy can coexist. Speaking up for your needs doesn’t mean you’re betraying your employer. It often makes you more engaged and effective in the present, even if you plan to move on later.

For years, I also held back from asking for what I needed at work, fearing I’d be seen as “too much” or ungrateful. It wasn’t until much later that I realised advocating for myself didn’t make me disloyal, but it allowed me to grow, to contribute more fully, and to show up with greater authenticity. Although I’ve always been a top performer, I also often felt the need to move on to another role or company when my needs were consistently not met over a period of time. This led me to look inward and to see my part in this pattern and how I was not sharing my needs and expected them to be met by working hard and not saying no. 

Another recurring belief is that “I must be perfect before I can start". I see this with clients and friends alike. Black-and-white thinking often stops them from moving forward. This could look like making your passion project too big to fail by fantasising that this will be the app, shop orservice that will change the world, even before you start. This could show up as feelings of fear or paralysis when you are thinking about that thing you would really like to do. 

Overcoming practical and logistical challenges

The logistics of a career transition can feel daunting and paralysing.

Financial responsibilities and family needs weigh heavily. Black-and-white thinking shows up here too: “If I leave my job for something more fulfilling, does that mean sacrificing my salary entirely?” It doesn’t have to. Sometimes it’s about creating “and” situations instead of “either/or” ones.

Perfectionism also creeps in again. Many feel they need the perfect plan, the perfect solution, or even a resignation letter before they can begin. But the reality is, you can start small by sending a message to someone in your network or posting something on social media. These tiny steps are often where momentum builds. Being vulnerable enough to show up imperfectly is hard, but it’s also where opportunities open up. You don’t need to be able to handle 100 clients or 1000 orders. How about you sell one item or get one client first, and learn and iterate from there?

A book I often recommend here is Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown. She writes about how belonging begins with yourself:  holding onto who you are in the chaos of life, standing firmly in your values, and showing yourself as you are. When you do, others feel safe enough to share parts of themselves too. That’s where connection and true belonging starts to grow.

The job market itself presents its own challenges. AI-filtered resumés, networking barriers, and competition for roles is just becoming more of a challenge. Success often requires creativity, by finding ways to showcase what makes you unique, beyond your traditional resumé. What lights you up outside of work? What passions or values drive you? These are the qualities that make applications memorable. With processes becoming increasingly complex, blasting applications in all directions rarely work. Focusing on a handful of roles or companies allows you to put in the depth of effort needed to stand out. And if things are tough financially, could you create an informal temporary solution to earn while you figure out your next steps?

Career pivots often require additional learning, but it doesn’t necessarily mean quitting everything to study full-time. For example, I work part-time (32 hours) while pursuing my coaching and counselling diploma, managing test clients, and building my practice. I also invest time in exercise and community on my day off, which gives me energy and meaningful connection. It’s about finding trade-offs that make sense for you and designing a life around what matters most.

Lastly, transitioning from one role to another doesn’t mean you’ll always start at the bottom. You might be surprised how often people can shift laterally, for example, from senior marketing specialist to senior HR business partner, even without ticking every box from day one. Transferable skills and passion count for a lot, and many companies will support you in gaining the missing pieces as you ramp up. You don’t necessarily need to leave the corporate world to feel fulfilled. Sometimes your day-to-day is just not suited to your needs or values anymore. This could show up as a need to do more solo work, to work more on people related topics, to move from engineering to product or vice-versa. Internal moves can be generally supported, however, this requires showing up for yourself and stating what you need.

Where coaching comes in

Coaching can offer the support needed to help people uncover what truly matters to them, face the barriers that stand in their way, and take practical steps toward a more authentic future. It is about slowly starting that spark, keeping it warm and protected,  and seeing it light up into the magical fire that is your essence. 

For me, it’s an honour and a privilege to witness people’s journeys and to keep learning alongside my clients what it really means to create a career and a life in alignment. What I love most about this work is that it’s not one-sided and highly relational. There’s a constant cycle of learning and personal growth, where I reflect on my own behaviours, broaden my perspective, and in turn become a better coach, colleague, and friend.

What does your perfect day or week look like? From when you wake up to when you go to sleep: what would you like to do more of? What would you like to do less of? Does it sound like an impossible dream, or do you see one or two steps you could take today to bring yourself closer to the life you’ve always wanted?

If you’re reflecting on your own next steps, I’d love to hear what your perfect week looks like?